Working for “Myself”/Life Update/Real Talk
Working for “Myself”/Life Update/Real Talk
This post has been a few months coming I guess…I want to check in and chat about how it’s going working “for myself” full time and basically just write…because it’s been a really busy wedding season so far and I feel like I’ve just been posting a million pictures without always checking in from the heart. The working from home has become normal-ish. I definitely still work from the couch even though I have an office with a desk. I’m sure that will change eventually. I wish I had more to report than I did back in April…but honestly most of what I have to say is that this is hard. Working for “myself,” not having Wil at home half the time, planning for the future, trying to enjoy the right now when it isn’t what I thought it would be, and the mountain of other things that always seem to be pressing in. Please don’t get me wrong, I am happy. So much happier than when I was also working a corporate job full time. It’s just weird to appreciate that and still simultaneously process everything else. One of the things I’ve realized about all of this is that my occupation will never be the source of my happiness. I love what I do. I love all of my couples. It absolutely brings joy to my day to do what I do, but my happiness comes from a million (or at least five) factors that all dramatically impact my mood and general well-being. I guess the bigger thing is that I really wanted to talk more about marriage here this year and I feel like I can’t really do a good job of that right now. I’m trying to figure out how to be loving and supportive and communicate when I need his love and support with Wil traveling every week. I want to be respectful and honor him and our relationship, and I don’t want to use this space to vent. So the easiest thing for me to do…which I’ve been doing…is hide behind the “pretty.” It’s a blessing to be surrounded by so much beauty in this industry, but it’s also too easy to hide behind. Sure, sometimes I post pretty things just because I appreciate their beauty. But, sometimes I post the pretty because I feel like it’s all I have. Sometimes I post it just to avoid sharing more. So this is me, trying to share more. I guess I just don’t want you think that my life is all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it’s good to talk about struggle, and sometimes it doesn’t belong on the internet. I want you to know though that I always want to be honest, and I don’t want to stay on the surface with the pretty.  I’m fighting to find a balance and hopefully I’ll know what that looks like when it presents itself. Thank you for bearing with me while I wade through everything. I really appreciate your patience and support.
